I was woken up by a phone call. It was a place I applied to for employment. I wasn't exactly on my game as I had just woken up. The woman asked me a bunch of questions, none of which I can recall. I just remember saying a lot of stupid things that made me sound so moronic that even I wanted to hang up on me. At one point, she asked me..."If your friends were to describe you in two words, what would those two words be?"
Without missing a beat, I said "fastidious and loquacious".
Then, I slapped myself in the forehead.
Why did I choose those two words? I don't know. I'm an idiot. I had just woken up! I wasn't mentally prepared! What the fuck? So, I end up telling this person that I am fastidious, having high and often capricious standards. It can also, in its most pretentious meaning, reflecting a meticulous, sensitive, or demanding attitude. Not exactly far from the truth, but not something you want to share with a future employer. As for loquacious, that just means you run your mouth too damn much. But I do! I'm a talker and that is how my friends would describe me. Why I felt the need to share that one as well, I am still pondering to this moment.
I tell the Hotband what I said.
"Fastidious and loquacious," I said, hanging my head in shame.
"Fastidious and WHAT," he replies.
"Loquacious."
"What the hell do those mean," he asks and I answer.
He starts to laugh.
"What's so funny about this," I query.
"Nothing really."
"Then why, pray tell, are you laughing at my misery?"
"I was just laughing at the words fastidious and loquacious. They don't sound like real words to me."
"Really," I ask, quite annoyed. "What do they sound like to you?"
"I dunno. Two chicks working the corner of Mill Basin in Brooklyn?" Then he busts out, in his best Ghetto Diva voice pretending to hold a phone up to his head he says 'Hey Fastidious, this is Loquacious. Whatchoo doin' today, grrrrrrrrrl'???"
I admit it. I peed.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
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26 comments:
Oh my, he's totally right. They do sound like Ghetto-fabulous names.
AHHHH I just love him!!!! Tell him I said hello! That is too funny. The name Lacrecia always made me think of bad things for some reasons... But---that's just me.
Now about that plunger? ;)
LMAO
Oh please tell me you guys are coming to Avi's party as Fastidious and Loquacious - the Ghetto-Fab version.
Hmmm. I may have had Fastidious and Loquacious as clients when I was a social worker.
No one—NO ONE—should answer serious questions immediately after awakening.
Debbie - He really cracked me up with that.
Deb - I told you all about the plunger...no further discussion is needed.
Britt - Now THAT would be hysterical!!! I should TOTALLY change my costume now! I wanna be Loquacious and my man can be Fastidious. SEXY!!!
Nick - I do a lot of stupid things. I wish you were like a guardian angel that says nuh uh! Not until you are fully awake!
CP
Oh pleeeeease, I can't breath, I was laughing so hard.
"Big Boobs" is two words.
Just sayin.
Would you look at these plungers! Pretty neat, aye?
Vanda - I mean it...I literally peed myself. It was hysterical.
Limp - So is "bite me".
Deb - I don't even think I want to know what those are for. Oh bullshit, yeah I do. Email me!!! *LOL*
CP
OMG! That is not what I was expecting to read. Ha ha ha.
Saint - Believe me...it's not what I expected to hear.
CP.
Funny stuff. I read it and tried not to laugh twice and my hubby looked over at me. All I could say was, funny stuff, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe me:)
thank-you for a hearty guffaw
CP, you do realize that if you and the Hotband go to Avi's party dressed up as Fastidious and Loquacious, we your loyal blog readers will fully expect photographic documentation.
P.S. I never get invited to cool parties. Then again, there are no cool parties in the middle of nowhere bumfuck Texas. Have a martini for me, k? :)
Lol...what a silly thing to ask someone during an interview...two words? How about fierce bitch?
Keep in mind they'd be spelled completely incorrectly.
Like:
PhasteeD'eyous and
LoKwashyous
I HATE those stupid interview questions - they read this crap and think they're being edgy and ask you shit and have no clue as to how to interpret your answer.
My two words for the moment: Tired and grouchy. What I would say for the stupid interviewer: Enthusiastic and - damn - I can't think of a second word that isn't sucky and I'm wide awake. Sheesh.
I H. A. T. E. the elevator stampeders - my building has 14 floors and one would think that those on the ground floor would understand that once in a while there might be people wanting to come DOWN... but nooooo - these fucking eager beavers do it every time and I've had to fight my way off.
LMAO I just peed myself. For God's sake I hope that that woman didn't think the words sounded like that as well... On the other hand, she might have...
Oh that was hysterical!
So I AM NOT the only one that had NO idea what those words meant either …. Whew !!
Never underestimate the truth that comes out when half asleep... I've said WAY TOO MUCH in that stage!
He kinda sneaks up on you, but the Hotband is one funny SOB.
Whatchoo doin' today, grrrrrrl!
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm not sure I'm ready to work Brooklyn, but I might be willing to give it the old college try.
At any rate, you crack me up. Thanks for leaving me a comment and, thus, leading me here.
hahahahahahaaahahahaha! I would've peed my pants but I just went.
But Avitable is right, they have to be spelled wrong!
i mighta peed a little too, or else spilled my beer *grin*
ROFL! That Hotband is a crackup!
(and by the way, would those names make the girls' nicknames "Fast" and "Low"?
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