I was woken up by a phone call. It was a place I applied to for employment. I wasn't exactly on my game as I had just woken up. The woman asked me a bunch of questions, none of which I can recall. I just remember saying a lot of stupid things that made me sound so moronic that even I wanted to hang up on me. At one point, she asked me..."If your friends were to describe you in two words, what would those two words be?"
Without missing a beat, I said "fastidious and loquacious".
Then, I slapped myself in the forehead.
Why did I choose those two words? I don't know. I'm an idiot. I had just woken up! I wasn't mentally prepared! What the fuck? So, I end up telling this person that I am fastidious, having high and often capricious standards. It can also, in its most pretentious meaning, reflecting a meticulous, sensitive, or demanding attitude. Not exactly far from the truth, but not something you want to share with a future employer. As for loquacious, that just means you run your mouth too damn much. But I do! I'm a talker and that is how my friends would describe me. Why I felt the need to share that one as well, I am still pondering to this moment.
I tell the Hotband what I said.
"Fastidious and loquacious," I said, hanging my head in shame.
"Fastidious and WHAT," he replies.
"What the hell do those mean," he asks and I answer.
He starts to laugh.
"What's so funny about this," I query.
"Then why, pray tell, are you laughing at my misery?"
"I was just laughing at the words fastidious and loquacious. They don't sound like real words to me."
"Really," I ask, quite annoyed. "What do they sound like to you?"
"I dunno. Two chicks working the corner of Mill Basin in Brooklyn?" Then he busts out, in his best Ghetto Diva voice pretending to hold a phone up to his head he says 'Hey Fastidious, this is Loquacious. Whatchoo doin' today, grrrrrrrrrl'???"
I admit it. I peed.