Now, speaking of having to be done...the Goddess of Love, Annie from "Smart At Love", sent me a link that made me feel several emotions. I felt shock. I felt appalled, but most of all, I felt the way you feel right before you have a severe bout of diarrhea. You know, you get all hot, flushed, the sweats, muscles start puckering up...and you tend to cringe, a lot. Now, I love Annie to death. Truly. And when she said to me that this post made her think of me...I wasn't sure if the lovefest between us should continue. But, then, she followed it up with an explanation:
"It's too off-topic for my blog, but it wouldn't be for yours."
Translation: My blog is pretty damn classy. We don't have these types of conversations over at my place. But here, where anything goes, I figured you could get downright piggish on the subject, without dragging me through the muck.
Ah, Annie. I tease only those I love. She's right. It IS very good fodder for my bloggie. So, let me begin with this:
When we have reached a point in society where Britney Spears is being revered as the new Virgin Mary in the argument for pro-life views, there is something REALLY REALLY wrong. Please tell me what the hell this is supposed to be?
Now, I have a few observations to make here. This "artist" did not sculpt Britney with her permission. He did it from a photo of her, and obviously not a photo of her birthing Sean Preston (aka: Cletus Jr.). Ms. Spears had a C-section. From what I understand, the crotch end of this statue bears the crowning glory of little Cletus shoving his way out into the world through the much desired Spears tunnel of love. Um, no. Second, does it look like Britney to you? I'm thinking Ashley Judd. Survey says...*TING* Yes. It does look more like Ashley Judd than Britney.
But, the main point of shoving this blatant horror before your eyes is to ask...how the hell do the Pro-Lifers see this as a monument to their cause? Yes, Ms. Brit did opt to have a baby over going on another world tour. But the fact of the matter is, her career was in a major decline. She was going nowhere fast. No one really remembers much about her except that schoolgirl outfit (which, incidentally, I have partaken in...with very unfortunate results). She had already done the 30 second marriage thing. That exhausted THAT publicity stunt. Then, she married a back up dancer. Oh my, so DONE already by J-Lo. Move on, please. What was left but to have a baby? So, in essence, she wasn't doing it because she is pro-life. She did it because she is pro-tabloid fodder! That is the ONLY justifiable reason for marrying Kevin (Cletus Sr.) Federline, right? Right? Oh Lord, please tell me that's the only reason. She couldn't have possibly fallen for that bucket of cow dung.
And already, people are up in arms over this statue. But, not for the obvious reasons. Rather, PETA is freaking the fuck out because The Britness is shown on a bear skin rug. Hello? We have a statue of Britney Spears, with her vagina splayed to the masses, a little persons head smashing through the hole, the asshole flared for all to see...and we are concerned about the depiction of the bear skin rug?
PETA does great work, but sometimes, they lose sight of the point.
The point is, Brit did not pose for this picture. Some asswipe with a little too much time on his hands opted to make her the poster child for Pro-Lifers. Even Brit has admitted to "not being thrilled" by the statue. Hello? THAT is the understatement of the year, kiddo. A zit before your wedding, not something to be thrilled about. Getting your period while in your favorite white capri pants? Another thing not to be thrilled about. Someone exploiting your vagina in bronze making you look more like you are about to take it doggy-style, sans lube, and portraying your son as the second coming of Christ? You know, that might put me in the "mildly pissed off" category.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I am going to douse my eyes with bleach and pray hard, good and hard, that no one ever sends me the remaining missing angle of that statue. Annie, you've been warned, sugar!
I shall retire back to my Percocet haze. Please send all get well cards through my agent. Maybe I will have my knee surgery (scheduled for April 13th) commissioned in bronze. Course, it will have to be in missionary position.
I can't see them making a statue of my knee surgery if I am on them, you know?