I was reading FARK the other day, as I always do. Someone posed a rather interesting question. If you could go back in time and tell your 12 year old self ONE thing and one thing only, what would that one thing be?
The difficulty of the assignment?
You cannot give that 12 year old you stock tips, lottery numbers, hints to purchase anything like Yahoo or Google etc. Nothing that will make them infinately rich. Rather, the advice would be something for them either to avoid, or to go for, to change or remove from their life so there would be no regrets.
So, with that in mind...what would the adult YOU tell the 12 year old YOU right now to make their life fuller, happier and better?
My answer is in the comments, exactly the way I posted it to Fark.com.
I'm curious to hear yours.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
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90 comments:
wow
i was going to leave a comment about what i would say to my 12 year self, but yours just kind of bowled me over CP
i'll have to try again later...
Dear 12 year old Jailbait,
When you are 16 you will meet a guy name Aaron. Stay away from him. He's no good, and will scar you for life if you deal with him.
Love you,
Grown Jailbait
I would tell me to believe in myself. No matter what other people say, I am okay the way I am. Don't try to be what other people tell me to be. I- Am - Okay.
I would tell my 12-year old self that it's ok to come out of the shell. I was a shy kid until college, after college even. I missed out on a lot of things because of it.
Be patient.
1. Use your (still-fabulous) body any way you can.
2. Sex is not a bad thing no matter what the various Christian schools you were forced to attend had to say.
3. Save your money for bigger things. Hip-happening shoes are nice; a remote tropical beach where you sleep in a tent and don't need shoes is nicer.
CP - you totally rule. I recognize.
Dear 12 year old libragirl
Stay in school. Go to classes. Get into a better college and respect school. Trust me. A degree you use is worth more then the 2 you won't.
Do not waste the next 9 years of your life trying to be something you're not...You're gay...and its ok
I would tell myself to not be afraid to have children.
Dear 12-year-old Jenn:
Junior High only lasts for three years, and you will not always be the chubby little geek that everyone sucks up to for answers in science class and then ignores at lunch. Don't give them the power to hurt you. It will be over soon. I promise.
Love,
27-year-old Jenn
Little avitadude,
Don't change a fucking thing.
-Avitaman
CP, you read Fark? I heart you even more!
Saturday night - you must come to the party!
Dear Little Pudlette,
Always listen to your inner voice no matter what! It will not lead you astray and will keep you from marrying a gay man.
with love,
Pud
This was a really cool assignment CP!
Dear 12 year old Summer,
Follow your dream of being a teacher. Don't work for a year to save money for college. You will stay there for 18 years making decent money but not very happy. When you finaly do leave that job your second career will be a teaching assistant in 5th grade. Not quite a teacher but close. Oops, On second thought do take the job, that's where you'll meet Sean.
Dear 12 year old Summer,
Follow your dream of being a teacher. Don't work for a year to save money for college. You will stay there for 18 years making decent money but not very happy. When you finaly do leave that job your second career will be a teaching assistant in 5th grade. Not quite a teacher but close. Oops, On second thought do take the job, that's where you'll meet Sean.
Dear 12 year old Sue,
Don't try to understand Dad! The man you see is the man you get. He will ignore you and make lots of promises that he will never keep. He will take and take and very rarely give. And when you win a little money, he will ask you for it -- don't do it. You will spend alot of years asking yourself why you weren't good enough unless you realize now that it is HIM that is not good enough.
Dear 12-year-old Ris,
No matter what your mom said, your dad loves you. Yes, he has problems, but you aren't the source of them. And no matter how hard you try to find acceptance and love from other men, you really just want it from him. It is already there, you just have to look at him without the blinders your mom is trying to make you wear.
Love,
31-year-old Ris.
P.S. Dad and I finally have a relationship again...don't waste the years.
Dear 12 yr old 3T,
You can be anything you want to be. Don't listen to people who criticize and make fun of your dreams. And, when you meet a man named Paul Mackner, ignore him, and run (don't walk) the other way!
Thought provoking question CP. Almost too deep for 6 in the morning! ;-)
Love ya,
3T
Dear 12 year old T,
You are fine just the way you are. Don't let anyone make you feel worthless. It's ok to get angry, it's ok to be sad; the people that love you will still love you.
40 year old T
Very cool question, CP
My dear 12 year old Little Mama,
You are beautiful and wonderful just the way you are, don't change for anyone. Remember to study hard but love yourself harder.
Love grown up Big Mama
Dear 12 year old Peg,
Stay away from the cigarettes. They are disgusting, they will turn your fingers yellow and make your own mother tell you that you stink.
You will have breathing problems and might possibly be the reason your son dies...JUST SAY NO!
Also, stay away from McDonalds, your hips ain't going to look like that forever!
Love you, mean it,
26 year old Peg
Stop eating junk food.
P.S. I would love to hang with you when you hit NYC. Let me know!
Dear 12 year old Pissy,
Your mom will die in 2 years. Over look how freakin' mean she can be. She's really sick and loves you more than you know. She just has a weird way of showing it. Kiss her and hug her hard everyday that you have left with her.
It'll all be ok.
I promise.
Love you~
49 year old Pissy
Dear 12 yr old me.
stay in school and stay away from boys til your done.
Dear Little Softball Slut,
Stay in school!!! Do not DO DRUGS!! STAY IN SCHOOL! It's ok to not have sex. They still wont love you. Love yourself. And exercise more.
When he sneaks into your room a year from now...SCREAM. Trust me when I tell you the turmoil you will cause is not your fault.
That way when your telling silly stories with your girlfriends and someone asks when your "first time" was, you won't feel like you have to lie.
Dear 12 year old Limpy:
First, don't worry about the "limpy" tag, it's not what you think, and one girl is going to take it as a challenge years from now. Second, girls are people too, and they're just as nervous as you are. So ask one out. "No" isn't that big a deal.
Dear 12 year old Lynda:
You probably won't believe that your 5 year old little sister will die from non-smoking related lung cancer in 20 years. Well, I just celebrated one year without her. The sad thing is that there is probably nothing you can do about the lung cancer.
My advice to you is to cherish the time that you have with her, and don't ignore your 7 year old brother too much either. It seems like because they are younger, they like to gain up on you, but they really love you a lot. Find time to play with them, even though you are too grown up now. When Mommy asks you to read them a story, don't fly through the book because your favorite TV show is on. Your mom is right, they have reruns.
Looking back, you will see that 25 years is really not that long of a time. You have been alive almost half that long. So, don't worry and stress so much about all the stupid stuff.
Sincerely,
33 year old Lynda
12 yr ols Marci,
First off, Tell Mom what Russell did!! Stop thinking it is your fault! Don't look for Dad's approval.. you will never get what you are looking for, just accept what he is willing to give. This will save you a lot of heartache. Don't trust anyone, ANYONE, named Billy or Jose.. they will only make life worse. Things will get better!! Most importantly.. love yourself no matter what!!!!
Great question CP!!
Dear 12 year old me,
Yeah, that really gorgeous Brad Pitt look alike with the really big schlong? Don't go there. He's going to turn into a crack addict, steal your Mama's car, commit a B&E and you're going to be in sooooo much fucking trouble.
Oh, and stay in school.
And don't sweat the small stuff (but that's for later in life .. everything is HUGE when you're 12)
Looky here, you know-it-all 12 year old miniAwaiting...time to buckle up.
Now, no matter how many bad jokes he tells, no matter how many write-ups you get, no matter how many conferences he has with your parents, DON'T let the Band Director cause you to drop out of Band. You have a future in Big Band.
That is all. Buh-bye.
CP, I'd only hope that your 12-year old self would have listened as long as you'd still end up being the amazing person you've become. But of course you would have.
In case you took that last comment the wrong way: I wish that asshole could have been avoided. You know I wish that, right?
hmm- me at 12? i don't think i would tell myself anything because if i told myself to NOT do something, then it would change everything else. there is nothing like changing 1 single choice, to have a ripple effect like no tomorrow. you know? no regrets. :)
Dear 12-year-old me,
Don't take all the religious stuff too seriously. Make sure you don't upset your mom, just don't get too caught up in it.
Quit being so damn shy and play the field hard (and use a condom) until June, 11 1985.
When the movie lets out, the girl of your dreams will walk down those stairs. She's the one in the pictures you draw. You will recognize her, even though you've never met. She's the most perfect human on the planet. She will love you the rest of your life and give you two wonderful babies.
Your friend Eric and all your grandparents will die in a few years. Let them know how much you love them.
Villanova beats Georgetown. Buster Douglas beats Tyson. Buy as much Microsoft stock as soon as you can.
Wait, wait, I'm not finished .....
Arrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!
Next year you will meet A, the most beatiful girl you'll ever meet in your life.
And, when you fall in love with her: do your 22 year AB a favour:
tell her.
Dear 12-yr-old gin -
Try not to take it seriously when the other kids call you names. They don't really know you.
Your father is not the asshole your mother makes him out to be. Hell yeah, he's got problems, but the reason he gave up his rights is not the reason you think.
Your mother will always put "her" family (her sibs and parents) before "your" family (your sibs and parents). Always.
If you want to keep peace and harmony within your mother's family, don't discuss politics, religion, or money. They'll tell you that you need to think for yourself, but what they really mean is - you need to think for yourself, but you damn well better agree with everything we've ever crammed into your head.
You're smarter than they are. Think for yourself. Know when to stand up for yourself and when it may be in your best interest to keep your mouth shut.
Love you lots!
25-yr-old gin
Damn CP, you don't know how much better I feel now!!
Dear 12 Yr old Savy-
Go to college, no matter what, no matter how much debt it causes, including going to the one in France even though your mother will try to stop you.
Oh, and knock off the chocolate and the lying, it only permanently scars your brother with how often he was blamed for your crap.
-Older, Regretfully, Savy.
Dear 12 Year Old Jeri,
You won't always be the fat, pimple faced girl that the others made fun of. You will meet the girl of your dreams when you turn 21, she will break your heart, but love her with all you have anyway. By the way, 12 year old, Jeri, you will go on to be quite successful.
Much Love,
34 year old Jeri
12 year old Natalie
Stop planning to be a Dr. You don't like science. You will waste a lot of your time and your parent's money getting into medical school. Instead study what you love (literature, history, psychology) and make sure you take the normal English teacher required courses so you don't have to when you're 27. Swich to a better figure skating coach you could be fantastic. Oh, and don't get into that online chatting thing in college. It will ruin years of your life.
Love,
27 year old Natalie
Dear 12yr old self,
Upon meeting the woman you will marry, WRAP THE FUCKING THING UP UNTILL YOU GRADUATE, it will help the headaches.
;)
kkthxbye
Dear 12 year old Giggles,
When your mother kept telling you how much she hated you and that you were an accident and she never wanted you, it wasn't really about you. It was about her, and her mental illness. The physical abuse is painful, but only in the shortrun. It's the emotional abuse that will scar you, but only if you let it. Don't let her steal your self-esteem and self-worth, and cause you to settle for men and friends who are truly unworthy of you because you feel undeserving of anyone better. You do deserve better. Hold out for it.
Love,
46 year old Giggles
Franky,
you're 12 now. From now on, if you want something you'll have to do something for and eventually also work for a financial participation in this.
Oh and btw, don't use your brain too much, allow yourself to feel.
Your bigger and 31-year older version.
Franky
(Btw, the first paragraph was exactly what my father told me. Am I sounding old now?
The second was what he had forgotten)
Keep dancing and workout for at least an hour everyday.
Oooh oh oh...I have another one.
Dear Little girl CP,
It's not you.
Esther is fucking nuts.
Love,
Grown up CP.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This has been a wonderful exercise into everyones psyche. I enjoyed reading the responses. I hope more people still intend to respond. Sometimes, it feels so good to see our thoughts, fears and emotions written out, laid bare for the world to see.
This has been terrific.
CP.
12 year old Miranda,
Don't marry until you're 30, because at 30 you may not know what you want, but you definately know what you don't want.
Go to university, be what YOU want to be...don't let your mom talk you out of anything you want to be.
Party...but play safe
Travel...omg travel as much as you can, once the kids come you won't get the chance as much.
If you meet a guy that you really like, get to know him by asking him seriously where and what he sees himself doing in the next 5,10,15 years....find a guy with ambition...and not a dreamer.
BTW- This is a great topic I was just thinking earlier today, if there was one thing in my life I could change, knowing what I know now, what would it be?
Dear 12 yo tickersoid.
Work out and learn karate. Yes you can get by one your charm, popularity, height and running ability but it'll give you more confidnece.
Don't marry anyone who can maintain an emotional arguement for more than 2 hours at any time of the month.
when you meet the love of your life in 2003, don't drag out the developement of your sex life in an attempt to savour it. She only has 9 months left to live.
Dear Coodence at twelve:
You're not fat.
Love Coodence all grown up.
Dear Randi at twelve:
Sex doesn't equal love.
Love Randi all grown up.
"Sex (even gay sex) is not bad, but don't do it with hundreds of guys -- often unsafely -- just to feel loved and wanted and ok. You're a beautiful, worthy, loveable person and you deserve a long, HEALTHY, happy life."
Hi Hope you dont mind I took your topic and put it on my blog as well as I think it's fantastic.. I gave you a link as well....
I love your blog and read daily...
RR
Dear 12 yr old Princess,
When you can choose to live at home for free and finish college. Do it. You can party and buy designer jeans later my sweet. Listen to your mother for god's sake. Oh and I love you.
Ack - and now I am crying from reading all these comments!!!! I am going to steal this from you CP, I will, of course, give proper credit.
Dear 12 year old Belle,
It is ok to be tall and smart aand witty, do not let your so called friends make you feel insecure just because you don't quite fit their mold. One day you will be very proud to be independent and the boys will catch up in the height department and the other girls will cringe.
38 year old Belle
This was tough. I try not to live with too much regret or think of what I might change. I love my life and if I change one thing everything that followed might change too. I would not want that. Life has not always been easy, but I love where it has brought me.
Dear 12 year old Lex,
What's happening with you is not normal. Tell someone. It doesn't matter if he's not technically a "grown up". This is wrong. And even if they don't believe you keep telling people until someone listens. If not, he will be one of many and you'll lose too many years trying to undo the damage.
You deserve so much more than the heartache this will bring.
Love,
Grow-up Lex
Thanks, CP. I'm stealing the fuck out of this. :D
I thought of a few more things myself.
Those of you who want to grab the idea and put in on your blog, absolutely. But, I would REALLY love if you would direct people HERE, so that everyone can read each others stories. Sometimes, the things we share publically can help others privately. This wasn't my idea, incidentally. I took the idea from a posting on fark.com, so please feel free to utilize it as you want.
I have seen so many beautiful responses. Some are so sad and heartbreaking, others are full of hope.
All I ask is this...
the care, love and concern that you are giving to the 12 year old you? Please...give it to the grown up you as well. You deserve it just as much.
Love you guys.
CP.
Dear CP,
You have no idea what it took for me to finally let go of my first ex. I happened today, right here. Thank you.
Jeri
Dear 12 year old Mike,
Don't marry the hot blonde 9 years from now. Looks aren't everything and life is too short.
Jeri -
If this brought you any release, any comfort...then I am absolutely thrilled for you. If you ever want to talk, my email is on my profile page. I'm a pretty good listener...but I am a lot better at unsolicited advice. *wink*
By the way, Jeri...as long as you loved, with all your heart, like you said you did...then you have known the closest feeling there is to heaven. Even if she broke your heart, for a time...there was love.
Focus on that, and then, pack it away, neatly...in a box of memories.
*love*
CP.
Mike - A-friggin'-MEN!
CP.
Nihilistic - I am sorry you "wasted" those 9 years trying to make yourself into something you aren't. Why do I apologize? Because of narrow-minded people, like my parents, not allowing people like you to be able to express your love in any way you see fit. I am sad that you went through that time of indecision and conflict, but I am so glad you have the love in your life that you do today.
CP.
Sue - That was a tough one for you, I'm sure. I'm glad that you have forgiven yourself.
Just another statistic - I hope you have received help for what has happened in your life. Take care of that little 12 year old. I am so sad that the little one in you was silent for so long. *hugs*
Gigglepixie - Your 12 year old and mine have a lot in common. I hope yours didn't end up damaged too badly by a woman who doesn't know any better.
God, you are all making me cry here! Are you insane! Stop it! Doesn't anyone want to give their 12 year old some fashion advice or tell them to wait for a cool show called Happy Days???? *L*
Oh, alright. Keep spilling your guts. That's what this was all about. Don't worry about the Princess...I'll be fine.
*sniffle/snort/snots*
CP.
Dear 12-year-old Tense:
Don't be ashamed of being "too smart"; one day you will meet a wonderful man who loves you because of, or maybe in spite of, this, and your smarts will get you the life you've always wanted. Oh, and stop being so damned shy; it's just junior high, and you will get through it relatively unscathed. Have fun and be a kid!
Love,
The 32-year-old Tense
Just popped in to let you know I went ahead and did a 'if you could do it over again' question. Have a peek, and throw in yours coulda, woulda, shouldas...lol
Have a great night.
Dear 12 year old V,
In about a year you will become a rebellious brat, think twice about it. Visit your grandmother, she is your best friend and you only have 2 years left with her, cherish them, every second. In 3 years when your grandfather tells you he feels like within a week he will be dead, BELIEVE him and spend as much time with him as you can. When you are 17 do not go to the club with Jodie, you will meet Rob there, your first true love that will hurt you more than you could ever imagine, you will then become friends with Christine who is NO good, because of him and in return you meet Mike who basically will ruin your life, even to this day almost 15 years later. Go to college and finish. Go live your life to the fullest but be back in time to meet your current husband so you can have the beautiful children you have now and be happy.....GIRL JUST BE HAPPY. Oh and stay away from the pot while watching a Jerky Boys movie in the theater.....not fun....but still go to the party where you did a keg stand and got the tap put up your nose because all in all, that night was FUN!
Oh, and love your height, when you are 33 it won't be so bad anymore. I promise. 6 foot 1 baby!!! (well not at 12, I was probably 5'6 then.)
MUAH-
33 year old V
CP - this was awesome....thank you for psting this
Dear 12-year-old-Jodi,
Okay, darling, first of all LIGHTEN up already. Lawd. You cannot fix the world or even your own very crazy family. Not even by being a type A perfectionist. You are going to make yourself nuts.
Tell Bret how you feel about him. He will die in a car accident in 4 years and you will never ever forgive yourself for not telling him while he was alive. Tell him how much you valued his friendship and support. Tell him you love him, it will be okay.
And you have something called an anxiety disorder. AS soon as you hear about anti-anxiety medication or anti-depressents go somewhere and ask somebody to prescribe them to you. You will feel like a new person after you start taking those pills.
Oh, and one more thing. Don't be afraid of getting counseling. It will not make you weak, it will make you strong and finally feel like you can catch your breath.
Lastly, don't be so damn hard on yourself. You ARE a good person, smart, and maybe even a little cute. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Not even Julie or Lance and those jerks from school who have you convinced that you are freaky.
Love you girlie,
36-year-old Jodi
Oh CP! I answered this comment page earlier with tears in my eyes. I have been thinking about you (all of you) and this post all day!!! To others my comment may have sounded plain and not very intuitive but it would have meant the world to me had someone just once said that to me. I was always too tall, too thin, always had my head in the clouds, always painting, always reading, always dreaming... "You can't make money from following your dreams..." "Joining the Peace Corp would waste your life..." "Why waste money on college, you would probably flunk out anyway..." CP, you really opened up some old wounds that need to heal, for that I can't thank you enough. I am not too tall or too thin (any more). I didn't travel with the Peace Corp or go to college. I never made money with my art, but then again I never gave myself a chance to try...
I had a long heart to heart with my daughter today about this post and I poured my heart out to her. I hope some of what I said through my tears sinks in and she remembers it in years to come.
Dear 12 year old Laurie,
You are great. You are beautiful. You will be something one day. Don't let the fact that no one tells you this distract you from your mission. Go to college...be a doctor...like you dream of being.
Oh...and love yourself. So much. Because no one else will ever be able to do that like you can.
Tell your grandma and grandpa how wonderful they are. Lots. They will both die too young.
Hug your mom more.
And last but not least, remember what you don't have as a 12 year old and give so much more to your children.
Love,
36 year old Laurie
Dear 12 year old Damian:
Listen to Mom. She's wise beyond your years. And Dad? Well, he's not quite the hero you think he is. But love him. Tell him you love him. He needs to hear it, and you need to say it.
Exercise a little more. And when you think about going out for the football team, do it. You probably won't make it, but you won't be sitting around wondering about it.
Work on that personality. It turns out pretty good, but I bet you could help it along by a few years. Be nice.
And Bryn Fortson? Forget it. She's out of your league.
Dear 12 year old sjer
Your mother does not have to live every day with the choices you make, so don't let her make them for you. She will love you anyway, and doing what makes you happy instead of what she approves of does not mean that you love her any less.
Taking care of your brothers is sometimes hard, but they are more worthwile than anything else you will ever do. It's okay that you can't be a kid right now, you can make up for it later.
And for heavens sake, when you are 26 pack your stuff and GO WITH him. Just because he can't stay, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Just because he loves you, doesn't mean he'll come back for you.
Love,
29 year old you
CP - Thanks for this post!
Dear 12 year old Jennifer,
Quit hitting your brother, sit up straight, suck in your gut, don't fiddle.
Oh wait, that's what my mom said to me when I was 12....heh.
Mine would say, Dear 12 year old Jennifer,
You'll make mistakes. It's alright. It'll still turn out okay.
Love,
35 year old Jennifer
Jodi - Yours was a hard read, mah dear. Sometimes we don't say enough to people while they are still here with us.
Big Beautiful Mama - Picking scabs on old wounds is not the easiest thing to do. But the scars that they leave behind remind us that we truly lived through it all. I am glad if this exercise proved productive in your life.
CP.
Dear 12 year old Joompy,
Your sister's abortion and parents' abuse will make you stronger, just like Mom said. Don't worry quite so much about life- you're only responsible for yourself here, & one day, in about 23 years, you'll know where you belong, for the first time.
I love you
You and your mom will probably never get along, she will see you as a complete waste of her ovary until the day you show her and all those around her that you are smarter than they think. She will choose her boyfriend over you, and you will not fight back because she is not worth it. The two of you will not be friends, she will always somehow see you as a failure. You will move and a whole new world will open up in exactly 10 years. You will meet women who will guide you and mother you - and the world will be your oyster. Just don't forget that God is watching over you at all times. I love you for being as strong as you are right now, you hold on to that hope that everything will be okay. You are in my heart... you are my heart
PS little me
Her boyfriend will leave her because she is willing to leave you for him. What a blessing to have met that man Lucas...
Just so you know, God will always send you an angel. You are my heart...
Wow! What a question to ponder. I'll have to get back to you.
Dear Little Me,
The perfect shade of lipstick for you is Loreal True Red. Then use those gorgeous lips to tell all those mean people to FUCK OFF. Because:
1. you are beautiful just because you exist.
2. you are lovable just because you exist.
3. you deserve the best, baby, so don't settle.
Also, nobody has the right to touch you without your consent, no matter what. It is ok to make a scene. Scream loudly. It is not your fault.
There will be times of incredible joy and incredible sadness. Both will pass, if you let them.
It is way cooler to express enthusiasm for what you really like rather than to fake enthusiasm for stuff you don't give a shit about. So go ahead, experiment, figure out what you REALLY like. It'll be ok. I promise.
Dear 12 year old DutchBitch,
Learn to love yourself, whatever you look like, whatever situation you are in, because you are worth it. Make things happen for yourself because nobody will nor should be doing it for ya. Be proud of every achievement, however small it is! You deserve it.
I agree with jennster, changing something then would change were you are now. On that note, mine would be:
Dear 12 year old self,
Don't fight with your sister so much. It will make the years ahead harder. Tell mom that you feel jelous of your little sis and that you resent the way she is allowed more then you. Don't try and hide it away. It will just eat you up.
love,
your 22 year old self.
Dear 12 y.o mixednut,
Your life will be a good one. Even though your mom and dad are not together, they love you very much. Spend more time with Dad, even if he's not in the same state. Spend more time with your half-siblings. They're all you'll have someday.
Don't trade-in your dream for what you think mom and dad want you to become. You ARE going to be the next John Bonham.
As far as relationships go, watch out for the pretty ones.
Above all, don't be afraid to make mistakes. Have fun while you're young. Don't grow up too fast.
You're doin' alright.
Love Ya!
41 y.o. mixednut
Dear 12 yr old geek,
Please get off your ass and study harder.
Also pay close attention to your grandad, he knows his stuff!
PS: Dont sell the comic books, and stay away from glass.
Dear 12 year old Sodapop:
Whatever you do, don't sleep with that boy on November 14, 1985. You'll come to regret it for the rest of your life because it starts a pattern that it takes you 22 years to get out of.
Sincerely,
37 year old Sodapop
Dear 12 year old Rosie:
Forgive your mom sooner.
Don't lose your imagination - cultivate it like the precious gift it is.
Lighten up and laugh every chance you get.
Don't let men bully you and remember to respect yourself.
And, sweet girl, even if you don't do these things, you will still be just fine...
Love, 50 year old Rosie
I would have said, you're doing the right thing by running away. Run away, don't look back. It won't get better.
Dear 12 yr old V,
In 2 years when you get a strong impulse out of the blue to write John a letter, do it, no matter how silly you feel. Even if he still kills himself, at least you won't be plagued by guilt for the next 30 years for not reaching out to him when you could.
On 2nd thought, not writing to him was totally ok. You were scared of being ridiculed, and it's ok to take care of yourself. When you're a little older it'll be easier to take those risks and reach out, but it's always ok not to, too.
No matter what, just remember it's not your fault. None of the mess that's your family is your fault. It's not your job to fix them, and you don't have to earn your right to exist by trying to save them. You are perfect and lovely and creative and beautiful and when you grow up you'll have lots of good friends who will help you feel better about everything. Just remember you are awesome and deeply deeply loved.
Love,
45 yr old v
It took me a day to get over some of the comments I read above. So many people are hurting.
Here goes...
12 year-old Katrice,
This is your last year as an only child. Brace yourself for it. You're gonna become the mom.
Hug your mother a lot for the next 5 years. That knot on her arm is going to become cancer and she won't survive. And on that note, when the church people come and tell you to have faith because God has already healed her, don't believe them. Ask God for yourself and then be okay with His answer. (And He's not who they told you He was. Get to know Him for yourself.)
Don't listen to your dad. Pursue your medical degree in college. So what if it will be harder than taking that scholarship his job offers? One day you won't be afraid of him anymore and you'll realize he does really love you.
And you do have value. You don't need ANY man to affirm that. Keep your legs closed. Save it for a wonderful, handsome, 6-foot tall Trinidadian who will come and love you sooner than you think. He's worth the wait!
My advice would be be a lot like yours, except for changing the name of Anthony G to his apparent brother in crime.
Dear 12 y/o Student Nurse prn,
Stop being such a good girl, DO IT. No regrets. Live life to the fullest and pass Geometry so you can go to a 4 year college instead of a JC.
Lovingly,
41 y/o SVN, prn
CP said...
Dear 12 year old CP,
Someday, you will meet a man named Tony. He will tell you, in a club, that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Do not stop to talk to him. Instead, say "thank you", and walk right past him.
With love,
40 year old CP.
(gives 12 year old me a kiss on the forehead and tells her it will be alright...someday.)
10/24/2006 1:38 AM
(Comment originally published as first comment on above date and time. Removed due to privacy issue and restored due to no longer giving a fuck.)
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